This Miasma That Surrounds Me

Its been....soooooooo long, eons actually since I last checked in. My fingers are creaky, there are literally web-like formations between my digits. And there's this weird...miasma(I cannot for the life of me think of a better word) that has been surrounding me for all this time(well, since my last post).
It has enveloped me like a cloak...I cant shake the damn thing off. I have tried all manner of remedies..a vacation in the countryside, copious amounts of caffeine, mojitos, hell I have even tried a change in career....but nothing. Nothing.

So I have decided to embrace the cloak and make the most out of it. Its been an interesting journey though...quite revealing at most. I didn't realize that I had the resilience of a three-legged turtle. I quit my job (I will get back to that in a bit), started a new business, got into a new relationship(that I am still trying to figure out), made some new friends then shed them faster than you could say Jack Daniels because I realized they were sneaky little bastards, got blacked out by a close best friend(that's a story for another day) and sank into mini depression. Oh...and also turned the big 3-O which was another insane experience(that's another story for another day).

At the moment, I can say that I am getting used to this weird funk I'm in. Its like I've been in hibernation and I just crawled out from under this heavy rock and got startled by how much the world has moved on. And I have no regrets...at least I don't regret quitting my job...that was a serious ball and chain that I'd been hauling around for way too long.

Speaking of which, it happened in the most spontaneous of ways. I quite simply just walked into work one day,  sank into my seat, looked around and decided I had had enough. Yup...fired up the PC and furiously typed out my resignation letter. It was sitting pretty in HR's inbox by end of day. And I was as happy as a clam.

So here I am now, not sure what lies ahead, but still looking forward to whatever funkiness is around the corner. Frankly, I have been oozing a lot of negative energy but I am learning to make my way around it. Positive energy - find me wherever you are, I beseech thee.

And this cloak of mine is seemingly less funky as I trudge on from one day to the next.

Yup. This is me taking it one day at a time.

I'm loving - Bad by Wale & Rihanna

Dear Wangari

Wangari,
I'm just a young, ordinary Kenyan girl.
I'm just an average, disillusioned citizen, tired and apathetic.
Wearily have I watched as our country's leaders have turned the electorate into puppets. Weaving tribal lines, churning emotions and pitting brother against brother.
Wangari, I grew up like many others, in a time where few emerged as true leaders, worthy of Kenyans' admiration and gratitude.
Noble leaders such as yourself have come and gone.
I grew up watching and learning from you; you evoked such a die-hard spirit. You made me wonder if indeed it was possible for this country to one day, rise above the pettiness that defines our leadership.
You made me believe that Kenya was indeed capable of producing fine, worthy and legendary leaders.
You made me take note of the little things; your love for the environment, your fierce protective nature and your resilience in your quest to ensure that Kenya remains green - all these made me love nature even more.
Your resounding clarion call for Kenyans to wake up and contribute to saving our forests was heard across the seven seas.
You instilled such an immense sense of pride in me, in women, in the youth. You were a beaming light; a fierce torch that would guide all women who dared to stand up for what was right.
You were a true mentor, a believer, a hero, a mother, a confidante, a revolutionary, a friend.
You were Wangari Maathai; a human being that has left an immeasurable void on the face of the earth.
You will remain the stuff of legend, and our children's children will live to hear of your greatness.
Wangari, I cry for the loss that this country has faced today.
Wangari, I cry for I know we will never be touched by greatness such as yours.
Rest in peace Wangari.
You fought a chivalrous battle and emerged victorious.
You survived adversity and ashamed your naysayers.
I will forever remember your contribution to this world.
I treasure the fact that I lived in this generation; to witness who you were and what you achieved.

Travel well Mama Miti.

Love and sincere gratitude,

Citycat.

Mr. Right

Mr. Right; okay he doesn’t exist. Yeah, I know. We all know.

But every girl still has a list of how their Mr. Right should be. So for heck’s sake, here is mine…ok, its kinda rambly and all. Its more like a list of all the characteristics I did and didn’t like after a date is over. Call me obsessive, I don’t really care…I’m all for perfection. Or at least finding someone who is everything I’m looking for. (Sigh)

1. Makes me laugh - To me, conversation has always been more important than looks (to a point though, there has to be some initial attraction. I mean DUH). I would rather be with someone who makes me laugh than someone who makes the mean girls jealous. Ok, fine. Both would be sooo cool.

2. Creative – I like to consider myself pretty creative (with the exception of this topic) and I think for someone to be able to be with me long-term they would need to have a little creativity in order to put up with my story telling and intricate delusions of grandeur. Mostly these pop up smack in the course of my erstwhile monotonous work days. So I basically end up going through the motions with a dazed look. Not so bad once you get the hang of it…which leads me to…

3. Intelligent - I think it goes without saying that an intelligent mind is a major turn on. Please tell me you didn’t love A Beautiful Mind. Go on, look me in the eyes and LIE!!

Yeah…anyway, there’s absolutely no way to tolerate someone who seems painfully subterranean in terms of their grasp of all things intelligentsia. I just can’t. I love a guy who makes me think, keeps my brain churning and bursting with ideas and questions. Excite me with your world views and hypotheses. Don’t make me feel like I’m the only thinker in the room. I’m not saying you should give Socrates a run for his money; I’m just saying be bright. Period.

4. Tall - I’ve found that short guys tend to have a Napoleon complex…Plus I just feel more comfortable with a guy taller than I am. Hello, those six-inch heels have to be worn when we’re out.

5. Has a job – I understand it’s a bad economy, but I’m just one of those people who work a lot, and enjoy it. Oh please, who am I kidding-I hate working. It’s totally uncool and frankly, whoever came up with the idea of 9 to 5 is so on my wanted list right now.

That having been said, it suffices to say that being with someone who has no motivation to even search for a job – a decent, well paying, take-care-of-my-woman job…yeah, not gonna work.

6. Enjoys learning - I was one of those people who got super excited about buying school supplies, the person who read the book before school started, the person who got thrown out of British Council’s Library and MacMillan because goddamit, its 6 pm on Saturday - you’re supposed to be out partying or something, not stuck in an old, creepy, dusty library, choking on dust balls but still ploughing through atlases and Thesauruses.

7. Must love animals – I hate creepy crawlies. Love all other members of the animal kingdom. Cats, dogs, horses, alligators, pigs, chicken…Love em, love em, love em.

8. Spontaneous - I think it would even me out, I’m a lover of routines. I’d want someone who would inspire a random trip to the Rift and back… No scratch that – a random trip to some place that cant even be found on GPS. Yup.Just because it would be fun to go.

9. Sarcasm - I’ve met guys who don’t understand my witty/sarcastic remarks. At times it felt like I was speaking a different language. Seriously, is it that hard to figure?

10. Loves the outdoors – I love being outside, especially when it’s sunny and blue skies are stretching out for miles. Road trips and escapades to wherever, bungee jumping off cliffs and running around in the grass bare feet…these, a girl loves! No way do I want to be with someone who sits inside all day.

11. Competitive – Okay, I know what you might be thinking because you’ve been with the “overly competitive guy”. And it isn’t fun to compete about everything, but going back to careers…I think it would be nice to find someone as equally driven and competitive in the work place as I am.

I'm loving - Mr. Right by A Rocket to The Moon

I Have Learnt

These past few weeks, leading upto the last one and a half months; have been choc-full of some pretty hard life lessons.

I didnt know; at least I never imagined that I could ever take a crash course on life in such a short period of time.

But all the same, lessons have been learnt.

Lessons that will stay with me for life. Lessons that I wouldn't have otherwise learnt if it wasnt for the experiences that I had in this period of time.

I have learnt...that no matter what I do, no matter what I say, if something wasnt meant to be, then no Oprah-inspired advice, no self-help book or philosophy will make it be. It just wasnt meant to be.

I have learnt that people who I thought were true friends or had my back, were not such true friends after all.

I have learnt, because of this, who my true friends are.

I've learnt to love my loved ones like I'll never see them again. And to let them know just how much I care for them.

I have learnt that shit will happen - and not just once- concurrently and I'll have to wipe myself of it and keep going.

I have learnt that revenge is best served cold.

I have learnt that no amount of revenge can soothe a broken heart.

I have learnt that when I realise that someone doesnt like me half as much as I like them, then I really have to get a-stepping coz staying will only lead to heartbreak. And I dont really have time for that.

I have learnt that when someone likes me, then I wont need to ask them nor do quizzes nor take behavioral science to know it. I wont have to st by the phone, or keep checking my emails to check whether they've looked for me.

I've learnt that when someone DOES like me then it shows. It TOTALLY shows.

I have learnt that there's no use in crying over spilt milk. I'd better just head to the store and get another packet.

I have learnt that when all is said and done, this life is too short to surround myself with negativity. I need to LIVE like I never will.

I'm loving : There's Hope - India Arie

Amy Fade's to Black

I was quite befuddled by Amy Winehouse's passing; befuddled because just a week ago she seemed (as per reports online) to be healthier than she'd ever been for months.

Plus I'd just been jamming Rehab over and over in the past week. Quite cryptic then, dont you think? Anyways, I came across Russell Brand's touching tribute to the talented Amy and I just had to share:

“I’ve known Amy Winehouse for years. When I first met her around Camden she was just some twit in a pink satin jacket shuffling round bars with mutual friends, most of whom were in cool Indie bands or peripheral Camden figures Withnail-ing their way through life on impotent charisma.

Carl Barrat told me that “Winehouse” (which I usually called her and got a kick out of cos it’s kind of funny to call a girl by her surname) was a jazz singer, which struck me as a bizarrely anomalous in that crowd. To me with my limited musical knowledge this information placed Amy beyond an invisible boundary of relevance; “Jazz singer? She must be some kind of eccentric” I thought. I chatted to her anyway though, she was after all, a girl, and she was sweet and peculiar but most of all vulnerable.”

“Now Amy Winehouse is dead, like many others whose unnecessary deaths have been retrospectively romanticised, at 27 years old. Whether this tragedy was preventable or not is now irrelevant. It is not preventable today. We have lost a beautiful and talented woman to this disease. Not all addicts have Amy’s incredible talent. Or Kurt’s or Jimi’s or Janis’s, some people just get the affliction. All we can do is adapt the way we view this condition, not as a crime or a romantic affectation but as a disease that will kill. We need to review the way society treats addicts, not as criminals but as sick people in need of care.

"We need to look at the way our government funds rehabilitation. It is cheaper to rehabilitate an addict than to send them to prison, so criminalisation doesn’t even make economic sense. Not all of us know someone with the incredible talent that Amy had but we all know drunks and junkies and they all need help and the help is out there. All they have to do is pick up the phone and make the call. Or not. Either way, there will be a phone call.”
Couldnt have had a more adequately penned tribute.

R.I.P Amy. May you find peace now.

I'm loving: Tears Dry On Their Own - Amy Winehouse

Back to Black

I was rummaging through my wardrobe the other day and came to the sudden realisation that almost everything I own is black.

Black tees, black leggings, black shirts, black skirts, black trousers, black jackets, black bras, black panties, black shoes. Black, black, black.

So, I was looking for something light and airy to wear and I thought...hmm, wouldnt it be interesting to kinda just always be in ...black?

Oh, wait I'm already doing that.

See, I have been for a while now, that elusive pop of color in an otherwise dull office environment.

I'll put on something rather drab and instinctively add a dash of neon without a care; it could be neon polish a la Rihanna style, a neon top or scarf and I'm set to tackle the dinosaur that is corporate Kenya.

I mean, black isnt even my fvourite colour, as I'm in love with blue and purple and green. Oh...which reminds me, I have a think for the aqua colours again...hmm, topic for another day?

Anyhu...so I'm just starting to think that maybe I should fade to black. After all, isnt it like the most functional hue anyone can have in their wardrobe?

Plus it would go perfectly well with my mood of late.

I guess its time to embrace the snide remarks; "Who died?" or "Hey Bride of Frankenstein"

But then again, there arent that snide a people in my yard. All wishful thinking.

Release the doves!!

I'm loving - Fade to Black by Jay Z

Rioter of the week

Got milk?

This dairy farmer was protesting at the EU headquarters in Brussels over rapidly falling milk prices.

As is evident, the man did not earn his spot on the photo of the week for hurling grenades and roaring obscenities in the face of authority.

No,no...he's here for what he did right before this, which was to take a look at all his friends as they geared up for the protest -- strapping on their gas masks, pocketing their eye wash, testing their tasers, and hefting their clubs - before solemnly reaching down and grabbing the one and only weapon he needed.

Then he went to a riot armed with a freakin tit.

Check out these other badass protestors.