Things You'd Love To Say Out Loud - At Work

A pal of mine sent me this on my email, and I couldnt agree more.
I especially dig nos. 6, 17, 19 and 38...triple haha!
1.I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

2. How about never? Is never good for you?
3. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in
public.
4. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my
way.
5. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
6. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
7. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
8. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
9. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

10. I'm already visualising the duct tape over your mouth.
11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
12. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of
view.
13. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
14. Any resemblance between your reality and mine are purely
coincidental.
15. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
16. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
17. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

18. And your cry-baby whiny-arsed opinion would be?

19. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
20. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
21. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
22. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
23. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
24. Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed.

25. Oh I get it. Like humour, but different.........
26. An office is just a mental institute without the padded walls.
27. Can I swap this job for what's behind door .........1?
28. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
29. Nice perfume (or aftershave). Must you marinate in it?
30. Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done.
31. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

32. I thought I wanted a career; it turns out I just needed the money.
33. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being more intelligent.
34. Wait a minute - I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

35.Aren't you a black hole of need.

36. I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?
37. Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?
38. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma

39. If you have something to say raise your hand.........then place it over your mouth.

40. I'm too busy, can I ignore you some other time?
41. Don't let your mind wander, its too small to be let out on its own.
42. Have a nice day, somewhere else.
43. You're not yourself today, I noticed the improvement straight away.
44. You are as pretty as a picture, I'd really like to hang you.
45. Don't believe everything you think.
46. Do you hear that? That's the sound of no-one caring

Enjoy your week